yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
