so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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