She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
