Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
