community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
