oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
