Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
BRING THE BAGELS
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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