Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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