She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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