Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
third nipple confirmed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
