So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
