i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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