party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
