hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
