I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize