How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
