I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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