Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
