And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
