well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
