Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
