Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Randomize
