Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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