is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
