9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
