no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
