Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
sarcasm needs its own font
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
