Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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