How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
