DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
