i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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