That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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