I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize