I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
