I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
