I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
