Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
