remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
