Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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