I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
