nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
