I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
