You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
