today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
