oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
