I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Randomize
