Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
