I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
