I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize