I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
