it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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