I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
