Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
