Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
