I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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