Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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