I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
