Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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