I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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