So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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