Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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