I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
