i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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