It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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