I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize