she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
