I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
