my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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