are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
