so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
