why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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