i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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