I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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