like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
