he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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