the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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