i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
false alarm. still invincible.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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