I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
