i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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