I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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