Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
