I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
