I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
