Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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