I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
