its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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