see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
