You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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