Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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