I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
