Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
