I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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