no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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