the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
