Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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