this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize