I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize