I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
