im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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