is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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