Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
