this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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