some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
