i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
